shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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