Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
