I hate all girls vehemently.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize