I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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