so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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