Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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