He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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