my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
