covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
