I think i peed on brittanys purse
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
