Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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