You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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