We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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