put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
