i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
