Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
