i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
