I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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