can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
