this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
