The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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