where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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