So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
