Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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