im having a threesome with these popsicles
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So squirting runs in the family.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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