So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
