i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
