I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
