I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
