It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
