Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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