Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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