During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize
