I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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