i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
