It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
