Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Everclear isn't food dammit
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
