This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
