Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
