i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
