I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
