I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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