he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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