The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
