just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
