You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
