so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Found the puke drawer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
