At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
