yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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