what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
