just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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