at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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