hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
