But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
