he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The air was thick with penises
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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