Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
