You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
