Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I will die if light touches me.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
