all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
