it wasn't lemon gatorade
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
