My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
