how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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