They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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