I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
