Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
