I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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