I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize