my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
