im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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