ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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