Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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