I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
