My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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