Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
