My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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